WHEREVER THE WIND BLOWS: A REFLECTION ON GOD'S PROVIDENCE

I have realized that I was such a fickle-minded person when I was in college. Beat this- I finished my first undergrad course from my fourth college school with my fourth course. I do many things and take a lot of shift so often. Indeed, I am such a “spur of the moment” person. I don’t usually follow whatever is written in my diary. I am one of those guys who are just excited about the new look of the “star bucks” diary but never got to really use it. By the world’s standard, I am aimless, restless, always searching for something more or something else that would give meaning to my life. To give you a better picture, I have gone through seven different jobs for the last two years. (One actually nearly sued me for AWOL, but I got a way with it he! he!)
However, my way of life further proved how provident God is. Let me share this experience with you. (This is a promise to a friend who doesn’t understand what happened during my college years, a promise I so much love to fulfill.)
High school would have been so impossible without my uncle who took me as his son. However, his children are growing up and financial obligations kept on knocking his door. I was left on my own. It was nothing new though, I am pretty much used to taking care of my self.
I first enrolled an accountancy course in PSBA (paaralan sa bandang ateneo hehe!) Another uncle, a bachelor, helped in the financing of my studies provided that I wash his clothes, clean his house, run errands etc. But he decided to stop helping me after a semester for reasons I still don’t know up to now. Nevertheless, I was determined to continue my schooling so I looked for jobs. I found no work at first because I was just 16.
I didn’t want to end up a loser. One night, in desperation, I decided to wear a black tight shirt and walk along Quezon Avenue. I said that by whatever means, I have to continue my studies. I was young but already 5’6”, I was never a muscle man but I wasn’t fat. Young and Moreno, with innocent dimples (naks!), I thought many would take me for a good price. Forgive me for bragging some more but yes, I was right.
The moment I took my first walk in that street a shining black van stopped beside me. It wasn’t a place to stop a car so I knew it intended to pick me up. The door opened and I got in. I sat beside a rich-looking matured woman who talked to me and interesting enough, sounded like a real mother to her child.
“hi there, how old are you?”
“sixteen ma’am,” I replied. She talked some more but then I started to shiver. I wasn’t as prepared as I thought I was. Tears started to form in my eyes. Then I said, “ma’am, I don’t really do this. It’s just that I needed money for my schooling. Sorry but please let me go now.”
The woman smiled but she must have really liked me because she said, “don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. Relax, ok.” I started to really cry and begged some more. I think I annoyed her for then she agreed to let me go. As soon as I was walking the street again, another car stopped beside me. Its window opened and revealed a man, must be in his late twenty’s
“Pssst! Ok ka ba?”
I ran.
Took a jeepney and went home. In my room, I wept and cursed God for a miserable life.
I stayed home for many days. I was thinking about life and destiny… and if I was really destined to be like my parents… and once again, I said “NO WAY!!!”
I took a bath and tried to get a job once more. An employer took me for a job that taught me how to fool others. I was employed to sell expensive automatic gas leak stopper. We went knocking on doors and doing some demo. We were basically telling people that their house is in danger until they buy our product. A lie. The product has no use at all. Easy money especially if you’re a talker like me… and if you can play with fire to plant fears to people. I was a good sales man but I was never good at ignoring my conscience. I then decided to resign, stop my studies and accept my destiny to be forever miserable. My parents and my elder sister didn’t, or perhaps, had no way of helping me.
But God has a way of catching up with me. My grandmother asked me to take care of her because she went through a serious bone operation. She was asking me to enroll so as not to waste my talents and skills. I declined at first because I lost my interest to study already and I didn’t really think there was a good life waiting for me. She didn’t give up and asked me to try even just a vocational computer course. I didn’t want to disappoint her so I enrolled a computer course. However, I didn’t want her to spend money on me so I took some scholarship grants.
My computer school brought out the active guy in me. I started to gain my interest for studies once again but more importantly, I started to build dreams once more. After finishing the computer course, I enrolled a commerce course at a state university in our place.
This time, I had a list of scholarship grants and I was at the same time working for Jollibee as a store marketing assistant team member. However, my new school introduced activism to me. I became a member of anakbayan and acquired a lot of idealistic ideas. Once more, I didn’t know where to go and what to do with my life. I joined many rallies and our leftist ideas are growing on me. Somehow, it killed any spark of hope in me. Everyone, not just me, is destined to live a miserable life. I wasn’t thinking about finishing a course anymore… or living a successful and happy life.
God didn’t let go of me though. Ironically, I started becoming active in my parish’ youth organization. I felt the need to establish a balance in my life so I befriended some Church people. I became a friend to many priests and many church youth.
One of my friends in our parish is a student of St. Benedict Inst., a special college school run by the Benedictines for those who want to become missionaries. After his annual vacation, I accompanied him to his school. A Benedictine saw me and asked me if I, too, would want to study there. I laughed although I saw the seriousness in her eyes. Why should I want to study there? First, it’s a formation house which means the first rule is obedience, an activist’s lost vocabulary. Second, I have to be confined there until I finish the course (no going out at all except for yearly vacation). Third, the only course offered is Education with English and Theology major (the last course I ever want to have ). Lastly, it was expensive because of the additional fees for boarding and lodging.
I thanked the Benedictine and told her all of my concerns. But she said I shouldn’t waste my chance of visiting their place so she still gave me the entrance examination. The grace of God comes so unexpectedly. I nearly perfected the examination. The Benedictine contacted a prospect benefactor for my studies and I was offered a free education plus allowance plus free board and lodging.
I was still hesitant though but decided to give it a try. After a semester, I didn’t want to continue anymore. The school’s formation confronted all my issues in life and it was so painful. But by God’s grace and with all the advice of my friends, I tried one more semester. I said since I have no inkling of what to do with my life, I might as well just have to surrender it to God. I entertained the thought of allowing Him to lead me to some undiscovered avenues of life.
Then I started to enjoy my new school. It was a formation school but it was co-ed. I disturbed some rules of course hehe! And contributed much to the whitening of the hair of my formators! I enjoyed, most of all, the times when we were sent to some mountains for months to do mission. Then I realized that I almost did not experience many more experiences had I not opened my self to Him.
Some more years and I had the graduation I never thought would ever come to my life. I finished the course with flying colors- I was a cum laude! I was brought to a profound ( a borrowed word from bro. luke) happiness. Just when I thought I would never finish a course, God gave me the best graduation I could ever wish for!
The grace of God did not end there. After my first undergrad, I was to finish further English studies in De La Salle University and another diploma in philosophy at San Beda College. Soon, I will finish my Masteral degree in Clinical Psychology.
He is indeed a God of providence! Nothing stopped Him from providing what I need for a bright future.
It was perhaps a rough and very uncertain college life, but the best for me because it was prepared by no lesser than God Himself! Oh, well, I follow wherever the wind blows, for I trust that in that wind is the Spirit of God. Isn’t life more exciting that way?